I'm back..

Welcome home, self.

I've been away on a long trip, around the backside of the mountain. But I'm back now.

For better or for worse, with all my baggage, pain, silliness, quirkiness, failings...It's me.

I've been on antidepressants for 2 years, and depressed for more than 10. I've been off a couple of months now. At first, it was scary, to be without my 'happy pills'. Even though they weren't making me as happy as they once were, they were my 'security blanket'.

But you know what?

It's ok. It turned out much better than I thought.

It's me, the real me!

The one who feels and loves and acts silly, cries, who has ups and downs, a bad day, a goofy moment, and overwhelming feelings of happiness and thankfulness. Whatever life brings.

I'm here.

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Antidepressants accomplished what they were meant to do. But it was time. Time to let go. Time to move on with my life.

I used to write alot, mostly out of anguish. Things in my heart and life that I couldn't seem to change, or deal with. In my writings I'd cry out to God, try to find some explanation or meaning. Peace...

That person kind of disappeared for a couple of years. Not alot of depth of feeling, but in some cases, that was the purpose.

That girl is back today, only better. My heart is full to overflowing with life, with feeling, with purpose. I still don't have all the answers. Some things did change over time, others are still the same, new things came up.
But that's ok. Cause this girls' back.

And she does not walk alone.

My beloved friend, my Saviour. He's still here. He always was.
Sometimes I was so lost. It was dark in that forest
- so many trees, I couldn't find my way out.
Looking back now, I can see His footprints, walking that path beside me.
Even though I didn't know, and couldn't see Him, He was still there.
And I am ever so grateful...


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Deut 31: Be strong and courageous. The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."


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Bring The Rain
by: MercyMe

I can count a million times

People asking me how I

Can praise You with all that I've gone through

The question just amazes me

Can circumstances possibly

Change who I forever am in You



Maybe since my life was changed

Long before these rainy days

It's never really ever crossed my mind

To turn my back on you, oh Lord

My only shelter from the storm

But instead I draw closer through these times



So I pray:

Bring me joy, bring me peace

Bring the chance to be free

Bring me anything that brings You glory

And I know there'll be days

When this life brings me pain

But if that's what it takes to praise You

Jesus, bring the rain



I am Yours regardless of

The dark clouds that may loom above

Because You are much greater than my pain

You who made a way for me

By suffering Your destiny

So tell me what's a little rain



So I pray



Holy, Holy, Holy, Holy Holy Holy,

Is the Lord God Almighty,Is the Lord God Almighty


I will forever sing,



Holy Holy Holy, Holy Holy Holy

Is the Lord God Almighty, Is the Lord God Almighty...