Welcome to 'Attic of the Heart'!

Welcome from north-central Connecticut! In this blog I will share whatever is in my heart, on my mind, or something interesting I've found to share. Thanks for stopping by!


Thursday, March 27, 2008

Luke Reid...

Today was Luke Reid's funeral. He was 24. He died in a car accident on Easter Sunday with another friend.
My mother told me about it this morning , wondering if it was the same Luke we knew long ago. And yes, turned out it was.
The situation was doubly sad, because Luke's mother, Carla, a good friend of mine, had died from cervical cancer in 2003. She was 43.
Carla was already divorced and remarried by this time, and living out in the midwest with her new husband. They were actively involved in their church, and she was talking about doing a clown ministry with her husband. That was July of 2003. By the end of August, she was gone. I found out the day we moved to Maine, about a 1/2 hr after I arrived. It was the first phone call I received in our new home.
I'm glad she wasn't here for this, even though I still miss her. It's bad enough for Steven. A parent shouldn't have to outlive their child. But death is never easy, no matter what time in your life it comes.
As I sat here today thinking about the past, I was surprised at how many memories I had with their family. I hadn't seen Luke since probably 1992. He would have been 9. We all attended the same church back then. His father was a sunday school teacher and my husband the sunday school superintendant. I can still remember seeing Luke, Steven and my husband talking after classes many Sundays . Steven eventually took my husband's place.
Luke was always a cheerful little fellow, who liked being with his parents. They were always so proud of him. Whenever they went anywhere, they almost always went together. I remember Cigi, their german shephard, and their farmhouse they were fixing up. They were making plans for the future, hoping eventually to open their home to children in need.
Steven and Carla held a 40th birthday party for my husband. That was so thoughtful of them, and it turned out great, with lots of friends attending. I'm glad I have pictures of the party and the cake they made. I even saved the birthday cards.
What strikes me most is the fact that 15 or 20 years ago, sitting in church with their family sitting behind us or in front of us most Sundays, we would never have guessed in a million years what events would eventually transpire. Not in a million years.
Some people want to know the future. I know I used to. Of course, I only wanted to know the good stuff. But you know what? Surprise me. I think I like it better that way.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Home is where the heart is...

LOVE this little red barn...

In my email today, there was a recipe from Gooseberry Patch promoting their new book, Coming Home. One of the sample pages showed lilacs in a white vase on a small table, and in the background was a part of a screen door showing.
In an instant, I could hear that screen door squeeking open, and banging shut on a warm summer day, while a breeze smelling of newly mown grass wafted through the screen into the house.

I want that screen door. Badly.
This search for a home is an emotional rollercoaster. One day, you dream big, and look at all the houses at your upper range and somewhat beyond. Just think what you could get if you could just afford a bit more payment...sigh.

The next day, reality sets in, and you realize what you forfeit if you max yourself out on your house payment. That newer vehicle in two years. That boat your husband has been aching for forever it seems. Trips, new furniture, a horse perhaps? All those extras that would make life a bit easier and more fun.
So then I start on the bottom end. What's the cheapest house out there that I could live with?

I start with anything on no less than 1/2 acre. I really want at least one acre. But, just for kicks, lets look anyway.

Huh. Not much. Major fixer uppers. Bad location. Busy highway. Dirt floor in basement with water. Nope. Can't do that with a husband who is asthmatic. The price keeps climbing, until suddenly you realize you are back at the upper range again, and still haven't found anything.
Well, maybe tomorrow. It's early yet, only March. Surely there will be something wonderful come on the market just for me, if I just have patience. I can't seem to make myself 'settle' for anything less.

1970's - David and I back on the farm in Indiana with Tippy before the new red pole barn was built. It was built back behind the fence in the background, and later we bought 3 calves - George, Tom and Frank - and Crickett, my beloved horse. We used the old Studebaker to transport leaves out back in the fall.

When you have grown up on farms, lived in neat old homes in the country, had horses, cows, etc., it sure is hard to go down from there.

Even the rental we are in is more than we can afford to buy. But it's hard not to compare where you currently live with what you'd like to buy.


Sometimes reality stinks.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Signs of Spring...

Since it hit 60F today, and rain is forecasted for the weekend, I thought I better get out there and do some spring clean up. I raked out all the flower beds, and made nice big piles of dead leaves, twigs, etc for my dear hubby to pick up later. I'm sure he will be thrilled. :0)

Autumn Joy Sedum peaking up through the ground
I was wondering the whole time if maybe I was pushing it a bit, since we are still going to have some nights below 32F. When I removed the leaves, there were definitely signs of spring, and signs of some plants of having overwintered green. There was still a bit of ice under the deeper piles of leaves at ground level, but I'm sure by the end of the weekend that will be gone too.

There are alot of branches and twigs down this year. We had to snow blow twice as much as last year, so that tells you how much extra snow we got this year.

I enjoyed reading Scary's http://scaryswest.blogspot.com/ blog yesterday. She has some awesome pictures on her site, and it was neat to read about her Montana life on a ranch. I was telling my mother about it, and made the comment that that is what I'm doing in one of my parallel universe lives.

Now, I really don't actually believe in parallel universes, don't get me wrong. But theoretically speaking, I sometimes envision my life as it might have been if I had taken a different path.

For instance. I had horses growing up and in my early married life. I love horses, so I had entertained being in a life that revolved around them, such as show jumping, barrel racing, or living out west on a ranch. In another path I would have been a National Geographic photographer. I love taking pictures, love all of nature. Beautiful photos can move me to laughter or tears. In another more realistic path, but still unlikely, I would own a quilt shop. I suppose I'm still not too old for any one of these, but, I'm afraid I'm just not feeling that ambitious at this point in my life. Sigh.

I am glad of the path I did take, and love my husband very much. This really isn't about that. This is more about self developement. With no children of my own, there really isn't much to hold me back except finances. And ambition. Which I wasn't over endowed with since birth. Now my husband on the other hand...well, lets just be glad someone in the family has it! LoL

Makes you think though. What would you be or do if there were no obstacles?

If money weren't an issue, there is alot I would do. We talk sometimes about 'what if' we won the lottery - big time. What would we do? How would our life be different? I think I would open a couple of businesses, or buy one. Two that interest me immediately is the quilt shop, and another is a diner. I love New England diners. We did own and operate a restaurant many years ago, but it wasn't a diner. It should have been. Maybe we'd still have it now. But that's another story.

Travel. Live on the water somewhere. Help out our families. Start a fund to help others adopt, which is a subject close to my heart. I really would love to help those who truly need it. It's fun to think about. Again, another unlikely event, but you never know.

The biggest hindrance now besides finances, is fear of failure. Once you have failed big, you never forget it, and it affects you for the rest of your life, because you realize you are not invincible, that everything does not always work out ok in the end, and it can really devastate you emotionally and financially.

Ok. On to happier thoughts. Did I mention I just did a crazy dance routine around the basement to the song of 'Can You Feel It Now' by Tremolo? Wow. That really gets the blood pumping. I think Max (my cat) thought I had gone off the deep end, and I'm sure the neigbors heard it inside their homes as I had it cranked. I hope they enjoyed it as much as I did.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Mid March and no snow!

Most of our snow is finally gone! Yipee!! Just a spot or two in the woods or deep shade. Still in the 40's, but warmer next week. That's what I love about CT. The winters are alot shorter than northern Maine, or western NB, Canada. My folks just got another 6 inches this past weekend, and my brother in northern Maine said they have gotten 17 or 18 feet total this winter. The most since the 1950's! Wow! He's getting real tired of shovelling off all the roofs. I asked if he had a snow blower, and he said 'oh yea! I got it all! Tractor with plow, snowblower, shovel, etc.'

The kids next door are out playing on their trampoline today in their sock feet. I can't say I would let mine (if I had any) do that yet. Even though the sun is warmer, it's still only about 40F, and the wind is out of the north today.

There is a ton of debris on the ground to clean up this year. We had several storms this winter, lots of snow, and one storm in particular broke off alot of branches. The neighbors just cut down the whole tree since they had so much damage to it. We have 2 very large branches to cut up with the chainsaw, and a gazillion smaller and tiny branches to pick up. Oh joy...

We were wakened about 3am one morning this past week by a noise, that at first I couldn't define. Then I heard the glass in my birdfeeder rattle, and I knew instantly what was probably going on.

We sleep with our bedroom window cracked open all winter, with a down comforter and blankets. I love the layers, and fresh cooler air. Anyway, I knew my hubby was awake by hearing him clear his throat, so I jumped out of bed to see what I could out the window. I threw up the window, and in the moonlight, I could make out a large pear shape sitting on the railing by the suet feeder.
Darn. I forgot to bring it in last night.

While I was talking to him, saying he better get off the deck, I heard a whistling sound coming from 2 different directions out back. Just now, two more dark pear shapes come running up the stairs onto the deck, running around excitedly and grunting like little pigs!! I was amazed at what sounds raccoons could make. I yelled and hissed at them, telling them to scat, which after a moment did work.

At that point, my husband was saying 'Uh, I need to get up in a couple of hours and go to work! Could you go downstairs and do that?' I did apologize for getting carried away. It's not much fun if you can't share it with someone, even at 3am. He was very understanding - later that day. :0)

I saw the pear shapes running across the back lawn towards the woods, so I went downstairs to bring in the feeders.

I have brought in the suet feeder, but since the one feeder was empty and the other nearly, I left them last night. They finished off the one feeder. Apparently bird seed is a delicacy for raccoons?? :0))

I wish I had taken pictures, but at 3am, I wasn't really thinking about that until I got downstairs. By then they were gone. (The above picture is of the railing and bird feeder they were so interested in.)