I'm back..

Welcome home, self.

I've been away on a long trip, around the backside of the mountain. But I'm back now.

For better or for worse, with all my baggage, pain, silliness, quirkiness, failings...It's me.

I've been on antidepressants for 2 years, and depressed for more than 10. I've been off a couple of months now. At first, it was scary, to be without my 'happy pills'. Even though they weren't making me as happy as they once were, they were my 'security blanket'.

But you know what?

It's ok. It turned out much better than I thought.

It's me, the real me!

The one who feels and loves and acts silly, cries, who has ups and downs, a bad day, a goofy moment, and overwhelming feelings of happiness and thankfulness. Whatever life brings.

I'm here.

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Antidepressants accomplished what they were meant to do. But it was time. Time to let go. Time to move on with my life.

I used to write alot, mostly out of anguish. Things in my heart and life that I couldn't seem to change, or deal with. In my writings I'd cry out to God, try to find some explanation or meaning. Peace...

That person kind of disappeared for a couple of years. Not alot of depth of feeling, but in some cases, that was the purpose.

That girl is back today, only better. My heart is full to overflowing with life, with feeling, with purpose. I still don't have all the answers. Some things did change over time, others are still the same, new things came up.
But that's ok. Cause this girls' back.

And she does not walk alone.

My beloved friend, my Saviour. He's still here. He always was.
Sometimes I was so lost. It was dark in that forest
- so many trees, I couldn't find my way out.
Looking back now, I can see His footprints, walking that path beside me.
Even though I didn't know, and couldn't see Him, He was still there.
And I am ever so grateful...


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Deut 31: Be strong and courageous. The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."


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Bring The Rain
by: MercyMe

I can count a million times

People asking me how I

Can praise You with all that I've gone through

The question just amazes me

Can circumstances possibly

Change who I forever am in You



Maybe since my life was changed

Long before these rainy days

It's never really ever crossed my mind

To turn my back on you, oh Lord

My only shelter from the storm

But instead I draw closer through these times



So I pray:

Bring me joy, bring me peace

Bring the chance to be free

Bring me anything that brings You glory

And I know there'll be days

When this life brings me pain

But if that's what it takes to praise You

Jesus, bring the rain



I am Yours regardless of

The dark clouds that may loom above

Because You are much greater than my pain

You who made a way for me

By suffering Your destiny

So tell me what's a little rain



So I pray



Holy, Holy, Holy, Holy Holy Holy,

Is the Lord God Almighty,Is the Lord God Almighty


I will forever sing,



Holy Holy Holy, Holy Holy Holy

Is the Lord God Almighty, Is the Lord God Almighty...

June has arrived, and it's about to get really hot...

My beautiful German Irises that I got last year.

Mid to upper 90's next week. I am just not ready for that. We've been enjoying 70's to low 80's, low humidity, and 50's at night. Great sleeping weather. Can leave the windows open and listen to the crickets and tree frogs, and hear the birds at the feeders in the morning. Likely have to put in the air conditioners this weekend, and now we'll get to listen them all night. I'm thankful for them, but wish they operated quieter. Maybe if I spent beau coup bucks, I could get a quieter one. But quantity won over quality last summer.
It's been real entertaining watching the birds out the window past my computer screen this spring. Yesterday, a Red Shouldered Hawk swooped down not 8 feet out my window, startling multiple birds and chipmunks. Everyone ran in all directions, uttering a couple of chirps of surprise and warning. Really was no time for warning, as he was so silent and swift, he was upon them before anyone knew what was going on. He immediately turned and flew off, hopefully missing whatever was his target, as I didn't see anything in his claws. But, he's a good sized bird, so something very small could have been hidden. Although I enjoy watching him (he lives in the area all winter, moving closer to the CT river in the summer) I hope he missed. Plenty of supper some place else, I'm sure.
The baby chipmunks are having a fabulous time, frolicking and jumping out at each other and the birds. The doves keep warning them to stay back by extending their wings or tail feathers upwards (to make themselves appear bigger?). They are like little vacuum cleaners. Sure wish they could vacuum for real, wouldn't that be nice!
The big one has learned how to shimmy up the shephard's hook and jump the 12 inches to the feeders and load up.
The cow birds are kind of comical. Interesting courtship dance. One realized that the food was 'raining' down on his head, and kept looking up to see if he could figure out a way to get at the source.
Those 'peaceful' doves certainly aren't peaceful this time of year. Good grief! Those males can certainly be aggressive. Talk about one thing on their minds. The poor females can barely get a chance to eat without being accosted.
The raccoon visits occasionally at night, checking out my suet. An oppussum was here a couple of weeks ago, likely here alot more often, I just don't see him at night.
The rose breasted Grosbeak is a beautiful bird, with a nice song, similar to the Robin. His wife is considerably bigger than him. At first I thought she was a Dickcissel, but they are even smaller.
She has a yellow vee on her breast, like his rosy one. My bird book didn't show that, but I guess you have to allow for regional differences perhaps.
I enjoy listening to the catbird sing from his various perches down back in the woods. I can hear the thrush in the woods down behind 2 or 3 houses away. I just love their song. It has to be one of my favorite.
We were at Congamond Lake this past weekend. Beautiful Sunday afternoon, just before most of the boaters came. Saw a Baltimore Oriole. They are such a beautiful orange. A family of ducks came by with 7 babies. A lady fishing on the dock had a live catfish in her bucket, along with a couple of bluegills. A pair of cranes were spending time in a quiet spot of rushes. Last summer we saw a few turtles swimming under the dock, surfacing occasionally for air.

I'm thankful to live in the country, with a patch of woods out behind. An occasional turkey comes by. So far I haven't seen any deer, but the neighbor said last year, about 5 or 6 am, one was in my garden, so they must be around.

That's about it for the wild life update today. :0)