Happy October Ending!

Did you ever pet a bumble bee? I did. It was a real cool morning, so this fellow was very accommodating.

...I just got my daily dose of Mitford. Actually, the first daily dose during lunch, followed by another at bedtime. Almost as good as an apple a day.
I love Jan Karon's books on the Mitford series. I can identify with some, having lived in small rural towns at one time. I live in a smaller town now, but I don't know anyone. They are a reserved bunch around here. Polite, but reserved. Me, on the other hand, I love to talk and have a good conversation. I don't mind being a bit personal, open up a bit, if it will help get to know someone.
That's midwest friendliness. And Maine and New Brunswick too. No pretention, just me. I am uncomfortable with pretention. Actually, I feel sorry for these people, as they don't seem to be comfortable letting the real them come through.
I realize that I probably have 'put on' a bit at some point, but generally speaking, what you see is what you get with me. Ok, so I hide the wackiness for the most part. I save that for my husband, the cat, and my best friend Sandy.
We have our own club, you know, which we call the Dingbat Club. I am president, and she is number one. There are satellite members, many of whom I don't know, but they know who they are. In order to be a member, you have to have a bit of innate wackiness. Let the goofiness shine through.
For example, I like to be goofy, and sing silly songs to my cat (which I'm sure only he appreciates :0)). Or, or rare occasions, I pretend to be Freda, someone whom only Sandy knows. (Freda will be a funny old lady someday, with big floppy hats, large handbags, baggy knee highs, and a definite love of flower gardens.) I am also known as Myrtle, of Myrtle's Girdle Shop. 'Big or small, we make 'em all.'
Get the picture? Oh, and most importantly, must love animals. And talk to them. Not like you are actually waiting for them to answer, but... you know. Right?
(Ok. I confess. When I talk to Max, he actually answers me with some kind of meow, purr, or prrtt kind of thing. That happens when you've been with each other for several years.)
Let's see...oh yes. We like to bake, and we like to eat. We love cookbooks, decorating, antiques, the simple things in life. We are quite old fashioned - we believe in old fashioned values, good morals, we love God. And we value our friendships. The older I get, the more so.
How did I get on this subject? Must be the Mitford influence...

Well, we are thinking of NOT going home for Christmas this year. Sigh. Can't decide if that's a good idea or not. We always go home for Christmas. 9 hour drive each way, hoping it doesn't snow during the drive. (it can snow after we get there - that's always fun) But the thought of a road trip again, visiting both sides of the family, well...it's exhausting just thinking about it. The downside of staying here is we don't know anyone or have any family here. We would be alone. So we are trying to think of alternatives. Perhaps a weekend trip up to Maine where they are really celebrating Christmas, a stay at any inn, some festival or music presentation would be nice.
We need something to do to celebrate and make the season memorable. Of course, going to a candle light service at church would be lovely. Going into Hartford for a presentation of the Nutcracker would be high on my list. Even higher would be a trip to Boston to see the annual Boston Pops Christmas music presentation. I've always wanted to do that.
Another down side, mailing all those heavy presents into Canada. Now that will be expensive, I can guarentee you. What was I thinking, buying 4 sets of flannel sheets? Or giant wreaths for a door? I think gift cards should have been the order if I had thought this thing through earlier, but it's hard to tell how one will feel when one gets close to the holidays. We might still change our mind. My husband is thinking staying home and resting would be nice, after working 12 hour days for months on end. Can't say I blame him.
Well, I finally joined the gym. Yup. A brand new Planet Fitness opened up 15 minutes away. Great opening special, so I signed up. Now, to get there...sigh. Why do I always have a mental block about getting ready to go?? Why do I put off what I know will make me healthier and feel better in the long run? Why???
Well, I better get going. Housework is waiting, the laundry buzzer just went, I have a garage full of furniture that I stupidly volunteered to refinish...(WHAT was I thinking??!!) Oh right. It costs money to replace all that bedroom furniture. Recycle and reuse, right?
We barely escaped the snow last night. I heard New York got nailed. Kind of early, isn't it? I know some years it's at least Thanksgiving before we get any snow, and sometimes not til after Christmas. But this year, everything seems more normal for being a New England state. Previous years, you would think we were Virginia or something. Nearly subtropical.
The juncos arrived this week. I just love those little birds. I love their 'talking' to one another. My carolina wren is back, visiting the feeders. I just love him too. I think he's my all time favorite bird. Little pot belly and stick tail. Just makes me smile to look at him.
We had a lot of chipmuncks this year. They got into the grill of the van and made a nest in the air intake (think that's what it's called). You would do well to take this apart and check it out - we never guessed that they would be in there. Thought it would be more obvious - just open the hood and peer in. Sure improved how the van worked. :0)
Gotta run. Happy October Ending!

I just love autumn...

One of my favorite spots, about 1 mile from our house...

I just love fall. I love the colors, I love the cool crisp air, the fresh scent of pines and falling leaves. I love being able to see through the woods again, instead of the jungle we have for summer. I love all the wild flowers and vines and things that have fully matured with their seed heads, and finding neat stuff growing in the fence rows and along the edges of fields.

Except I can't do that right now. I don't have a field, or a fence row to explore, and that bums me out. I used to, but not where I am right now. All I can do is walk or drive by and admire someone else's.
That's the difference living here in CT as opposed to way up north. When we lived in NB, and Maine, we had so many fields, just acres and acres of potato and hay fields that the farmers didn't mind you using if you were careful. My brother has a 4-wheeler that he drives around on over 2000 acres, even though he only owns 5 of them. But that's the way it is up there. As long as you stick to the edge of the field, or wait until it's harvested. Down here, there are fields too, beautiful acres of garden crops and tobacco fields, orchards, etc., but we don't know anyone here, and there are so many no trespassing signs out there. There's just too many people, and I'm sure that the area farmers (and big conglomerates like Culbro) have had bad experiences, or just don't want to be sued in case something happens.
Sigh...So much beauty here, but you can't touch it. My husband and I have discussed this many times. Maybe because we are relative newcomers (3 yrs here), we feel this way. We feel we don't 'own' or have a stake here. In Maine, we rented, like we do here, but for some reason, we felt a sense of 'ownership', like it was 'our state'. I took pride in living there, loved to tell people the best places to visit, what not to miss, etc. But here it's different. Why is that? When we think about going to visit places, at first it seems great - so much to see and do. Then you start thinking about the crowds, the traffic. And talk yourself out of going. I know we shouldn't, but we do. And it's kind of depressing.

Saint John River, New Brunwick, Canada - view from his Dad's camp.

My husband feels that way about fishing. He loves to fish. He has so little time for a hobby, and doesn't get much chance to go. He got out about 3 times this summer, and nearly each time was a huge disappointment. He didn't get any fish worth keeping, for one thing. Another, it seems there are so many people who have the same idea that it's hard to find your own spot. He went fishing over to Congamond Lake. Was there about 15 minutes, and a family drove up in a pickup, and proceeded to swim right where he was fishing (there is a public beach, and this definitely wasn't it). So he gave up and came home. Poor guy was so disillusioned. I felt so bad for him, as we are trying to make it work here.

Crossing the bridge in Belgrade Lakes, Maine, where we stayed in a B&B...

In Maine, much less people, much bigger state, and so many places to fish. We talk about moving back up there, but he has a good paying job here (best he's ever had), they love him, treat him good. But he works 12 hrs a day, 5 days a week, plus every other Saturday. Being in management means more is required. And he's a giver. Gives it all he's got, just like he was an owner (and more than some of them). That's his work ethic. But I'm so afraid it's aging him and wearing him out.
Maine jobs in his field are hard to come by, much less good paying ones. And he'd have to prove himself all over again. When you are over 50, you really think about that. He has tons of experience in his field (steel/metal manufacturing) an excellent work ethic (hard to find nowadays), and a huge commitment to getting things done. The 'word' out there is that if you want things done, see him.
No place is perfect. This I know, having lost count on how many times we've moved over the last 25 years. (6 states and 2 provinces so far, with over 20 moves involved). Utopia doesn't seem to exist. Either it's beautiful, and it's too expensive to live there and the people are unfriendly. OR, you trade in some of the beauty, and you have low paying jobs, but friendlier people.

Sigh. Life isn't easy, and I don't mean to complain. God has blessed us so much here. But what do you do when your heart doesn't belong here? Stay for the money? Or 'go home' and try to make it work on less? It's not an easy answer at our age. We've started over too many times. It seems to get harder each time (not to mention the physical aspect!! I got alot of stuff over 26 years of marriage!!;0)) But yet we can't see ourselves retiring here. The house payment would be huge, the property taxes are probably the highest in New England. Everything in CT is higher than most of the surrounding states. Food is generally cheaper in Maine, even though they have to ship it farther. Go figure...
I admit one of our problem is our choice of housing. We aren't city people. We both want some land. A small farm. Heck, we could get by on an acre if need be. If all we wanted was a small fixer upper house on 1/4 acre, there's plenty of that here for around $200,000. But then we think - wow! For that kind of money, we could get 5 or more acres, a farm house, barn, garage, etc in Maine! Our dream!
So....do we forget the dream, or do we move to Maine, and my dear sweetie commute on weekends home to Maine? That is what we are plotting right now. It would be hard, but when we retire, we'd have a home. Without a huge payment. Because we wouldn't have to spend that kind of money up there for our dream.
Why are things always so complicate?

Amazing love, how can it be...

Farm pond at Kura's, West Suffield, CT
I picked blueberries and raspberries here in August.


I had a dream awhile ago in which I moved back to where I had grown up. (My family moved when I was 13 to another country.)
In my dream, I was revisiting an old boyfriend.
I discovered that, somehow, I'd had a baby when I was young which I didn't know about. (How weird is that, but you can do and be anything in your dreams, right?)
They thought the child should know who it's mother was.
The child, a boy, was now about 4. The father had custody, and both of us were single, so we were considering reigniting the relationship due to this child. We met, without the child realizing exactly who I was. I can remember looking across the room, and seeing this child for the first time. He was playing.
All of a sudden, the moment I laid eyes on him, I got this amazing unexplainable rush of emotion.
It was an absolute unconditional love and acceptance of this child.
I would do anything for him. I would love him forever and beyond without condition.
I immediately accepted him for exactly what and who he was.
Just like that.

I have to stop here and explain something to those of you who have your own children. I have none of my own. Never had the privilege. I have 2 step kids that I love, and told them when they were preteens that I love them even if they didn't love me back. I can remember that moment to this day, and their faces when I told them. That was nearly 20 years ago.

This dream has stayed with me, and I remember being so thankful when I woke up that I got to experience that. I can only assume that all parents have this amazingly deep feeling of unconditional love for their children.

I was thinking last night again about this dream as I read the last few pages of 'At First Sight' by Nicholas Sparks, about when his wife died giving birth to their only child. As the tears ran down my face, I remembered that dream. And a new thought occurred to me.

This must have been to some degree what God felt when He looked down at mankind, and decided to give up His only Son for us. When God looked down with the fierce unconditional love that we cannot even imagine - there was no other option for our salvation. This wasn't even a multiple choice question. There was no thought of 'there must be some other way'. His love was so amazing, so deep, so beyond what we feel even for our children, that He did what He had to do because of His love for us.
It was at that moment that I had a beginning of understanding of parental love. Sacrificial love. The kind of love that you would do absolutely anything for the good of your child.

I love my step kids. I love my nieces and nephews. I love my husband, love my parents. My love and need for them overwhelms me sometimes. But I know it can't even come close to what God feels for us. It just can't. His is on a whole other level.

I was pregnant for 7 weeks once. I remember how my feelings even at that point had gotten to where the baby was more important than myself. I would have done whatever I could for it's health and safety. Unfortunately, nothing could be done to save it.
But I am SO THANKFUL that I got to experience even that little bit.

I feel the same way about this dream. Maybe God, in His goodness and mercy, gave me that feeling, so I could have but a moment to know what it was like. And to have some glimpse of His deep and fathomless love for me.

It's an amazing thing to love something that much. It's what makes life worth living.

Something stinky...

Well. That's over and done with.
--------------------------------
For a few days now, when I went out my front door, or opened my living room window, this sickly sweet nasty odor came wafting in. I figured something must have crawled either under the front cement step, or under the bushes somewhere and kicked the bucket, so to speak.
I looked briefly, but couldn't detect exactly where the smell was emanating from. All I know is, when I got too close to ground level, it was bad. Real bad.
With only a 2 inch opening behind the cement step, odds were that if anything crawled in there, it had to be a small rodent. In which case, I wouldn't be able to access it, and would have to live with it it until it completely decomposed. Ugh.
Today, upon opening the front window to try to cool off the house, I decided I'd had enough. I would play detective and come to the bottom of this if I could.
Armed with a weak flashlight and some garden gloves, I began pulling back branches from the very large (way too large, if you ask me) evergreen to see down to the bottom. This baby is about 6 feet across and 2 - 2 1/2 feet tall. One of those ugly evergreens everyone planted 20 years ago too close to the house, and now it needs to be cut out completely.
Anyway, I finally thought I detected something. So I got my garden rake, and began tentatively pulling out mulch from under this giant bush. I thought I saw a small flat mouse-like rodent.

Nope. Nothing came out with the rake but mulch.
I looked further in.
There it was. I pulled out a slightly flattened much dead squirrel. Apparently something happened to it (West Nile? Lost a fight with a hawk? Too big of leap off the deck?...) and it crawled, thank you very much, under my bush to die. (Why not the woods? There are ACRES of woods around my house!)
Well, it finally got a decent burial. I couldn't bury it too deep, as there were too many tree roots. I just hope the coyotes don't come this close to the house...

PS: As much as I love to include photos in my blog ---I think I will forgo it this time. :0)

Tobacco harvest time again...

One of many trips in front of my house on it's way to the tobacco barns

Tobacco harvest has begun for this year. It's been hard on them, I'm sure, since we had rain nearly every day since the first of the month. I see the white buses down the road, with Jamaicans and Puerto Ricans here to help with the harvest. I noticed something different this year. Tractors have been going by with wagons behind them loaded with big plastic flat totes.
I'm thinking perhaps it's fully of leaves? I got a glimpse into one of the barns as I was going by, and could see a conveyor type system with clotheslines and the plastic totes. I don't know alot about it, but I know that most tobacco raised around here is for cigar wrappers. It's a major crop here, maybe the biggest. Along with blueberries. The Farmington valley is a very productive agricultural area. That's one of the reasons I like this area. Alot of farms here.

It's been a beautiful August so far. Very unusual for us. In fact, we haven't run our air conditioner since the end of July! That's been unheard of since we moved down here. Usually, August is 90 - 100F, and high humidity. Always makes me wish I was in Maine for the entire month.
This year, it's been 70- 80's. Down to 59 - 62 at night. Wonderful! Also, August is usually a very dry month here. In the first 2 weeks, we've had nearly 6 inches of rain, when the average in somewhere 1 - 2 inches. I am loving it. I mentioned to someone the other day that this is like a real New England August, instead of mid-Atlantic. It's always so tropical here during the summer, that it resembles PA and VA instead of Maine and NH.
I heard my first Canada geese this morning. I know it's been very cool further north. My parents have even had their heat on some mornings. They've even had more rain than here. My step son commented that it's rained every single day up there since they left here the last week of July.
Seems they got a load of snow last winter, and now it's in rain. Mom said it's ok though, as they've had a drought for the last 3 or 4 years. My father-in-law said it's been hard on the potato farmers up there, though. They can't get into their fields to spray, and blight has become a problem. Potatoes are the main livelihood of farmers up in that area of northern Maine and western New Brunswick.

I have a new favorite series on TV. I guess it's been cancelled already. Bummers..
There are six seasons of episodes, and we just started watching, so at least that will keep us for awhile. Crossing Jordan. We just love this series.